Theirs is a body of work that other artistes can only look upon in awe. They must be regarded as the most important musicians since Stockhausen, and I include in that assessment the transcendent ‘Singing Kettle’. Few of you will have heard of them, their four studio albums and twelve singles having received little, if any promotion, but the cultural significance of ‘JLS’ cannot be overstated. It was with the heaviest possible heart that I received the news this week of the dissolution of the pre-eminent musical group of the modern age. J FERGUS LAMONT, Arts critic and author of ‘Knowledge is Power -The Top Club Story’ Floreat Etona! Whatever that means I wasn’t dreadfully good at Greek. Public-spirited (I employ over 50 people, many of whom come close to earning the minimum wage) indifferent to notions of class distinction (two of my younger mistresses attended the local Comp) and a leader of men at all times – apart from when I’m on the moors, where I am sure to keep all men with loaded guns in front of me, where I can see them. There is no doubt in my mind that Eton made me the man I am today. With my father now the 12th Earl, I became heir presumptive, and family tradition demanded that, suitable enough as Gordonstoun had been for a minor scion of the family, it was way below my standing now. Poor Papa, what a 24 hours: he had been alone with Gramps when he went, too. My father did not have long to wait before becoming the Earl: Gramps passed away the next day. The family had gathered to support him, and – Gramps having thoughtfully timed his illness for the Glorious Twelfth – my father and Archie had gone out onto the moors to bag some grouse when it happened. It was a grievous loss for the family, because my Grandpa, Wellington Fawkes-Hunte, the 11th Earl, was on his deathbed at the time. My father’s elder brother, Archibald, was due to inherit the Earldom, but he died very suddenly in a shooting accident. The poor chap is speaking the unvarnished truth. This week Jesse Norman MP has been hauled over the coals for defending the fact that one public school has produced the majority of the British cabinet. LORD COSMO LUDOVIK FAWKES-HUNTE, 13th Earl of Kinmuck Many leading figures in the Government went to the same school.
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